Nothing is easy in this household........ I got bombarded with interviews, sometimes 3 a day. It was crazy. Then I get a call at the end of last week from Ryan's Urologist. It was time for Ryan's appointment. I did not realize it had been a year already. He has had one trip to the ER with a large kidney stone and passed multiple little ones, but had not seen this doctor in a year.
As with any time we go to any doctor, Ryan is usually anxious or very quiet. Today he was anxious! Oh Lord..... When we got there for the appointment, he was almost immediately taken back into an examining room. After the nurse updated his info and took his vitals, Ryan shifted into rare form and became anxious. He was eyeing the little stool with wheels that the doctor sits on when he comes in. I knew what would happen next. Ryan looks at me and says, you know what I am going to do, and I did. He got up and went to sit on the rolling stool. He spun around this way and that way. Let me remind you that this is my 27 year old man child. He is at times a child in a grown man's body. It is easy to see why people see him as a grown man. It's moments like today in the doctor's office that people do not see. After scolding him and telling him to sit back down in his chair he starts picking and chewing at one of his fingernails.
I don't know if this is just an "autism" trait or what, but Ryan picks at his toenails and fingernails very badly. For the most part he wears socks and shoes all the time - Thank God! Otherwise, he would not have any toenails. So I proceed to ask him to stop with the fingernail. There is barely a fingernail there. It looks awful. He tells me that he is trying to clean the nail out. There is no nail to clean there. I asked to PLEASE stop. This became a bone of contention with us. He started laughing and taunting me, and of course I eventually started laughing. I mean, how could I not? LOL!
Finally, he gave up on the fingernail and then started playing with the little container holding all the kidney stones he had passed and caught over the past year. At this point my nerves were shot! Shot, I say! I asked him if he was anxious about something. He responded with, maybe just a little. So this is where I try to distract him. That wasn't working either. Then the "thumping" started. When he gets anxious he will sometimes tap his feet. We have deemed this "thumping." I knew at this point I should have given him an extra anxiety pill. I just thought he would be okay. He loves this doctor. It's always an adventure to go to the doctor.....
The outcome? The doctor decided to order a CT Scan to see how many stones are left in Ryan's kidneys and to analyze the stones he had already passed. He goes back in May to follow up.
We decided to ride down to the beach after the doctor's appointment. Ryan likes to go sit on a bench on the causeway and watch the ocean. He is fascinated with the ocean and sea creatures. We've been doing this more often since I have been out of work. It's not too far from home and sitting on the causeway does not cost anything. This also helped Ryan AND Mom to decompress...... I love my boy!
Peace!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Believing and Keeping the Faith....
I was going to take a break today..... Just kind of disappear for a little while, but not "really" disappear. Then I got up this morning and turned the tv on. I caught part of Joel Osteen's sermon on the Lifetime Channel. I had never watched him before, even though my older sister is always asking me if I have.
The past few months have been rough. It started when I found a lump in my breast, which turned out not to be cancer, thank God. But, through all the testing, I had to be tested for a couple more cancers, and some other things. When that was all said and done, I got a clean bill of health for those things, and got sick with a virus. I came back to work and a couple of weeks later, I lost my job! I know, right? Then my unemployment got messed up, leaving me to milk a final paycheck as long as I could. Finally, beaten down and feeling broken and unfixable, I reached out for prayers from family and friends. I am always that one asking for others, but not usually for myself. I had not gotten any hits from the resumes I had sent out, and poor Ryan was starting to become depressed. He generally feeds off my energy. I had been praying and asking for a little help just seemed right. The following afternoon while with Ryan at his eye doctor's appointment I got a call from one of the recruiters. I got a job interview the next morning. That evening I got another call from a firm I had sent my resume to, and they schedule me for an interview tomorrow. Then I interviewed with another recruiter after the Friday interview, and he is working on getting me an interview with another firm. So before I could get out of Tampa, I received another call. This from another firm, and now I have an interview on Tuesday! Talk about prayers being answered! I feel so blessed. I know now that the Lord will not let me down. This turn has also made Ryan perk up a little bit. I am believing too that the Lord will provide the gas to get to these interviews. Either way......I feel it in my soul that I will have a job befor this next week is over!!
Having written that little book, it brings me back to this Joel Osteen sermon I watched this morning. He was talking about showing kindness. Showing kindness even when you're sick, don't have money, or anything like that. To ask God how you be a blessing to someone. So I immediately thought about a conversation my Ryan and I had one time. I had a headache and had not been feeling well. A family member asked for help with something. I downed some headache medicine, put on my happy face and went to help. Ryan had asked me why I always do that. He was abrupt and not happy that I was going to help. I told him that it's important to help others. I said, I don't have money to help people, but if there is something else I can do to help others I will. I told him that acts of kindness is important. That maybe one day the Lord would bless me. I said, I don't expect anything in return. I told him that Granny and Papa had always helped people, and other family members had. I don't really think Ryan was getting my point. So this afternoon I tried to explain the sermon I had watched, and all about the kindness. That if you show kindness it will come back to you in a good way. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will one day. It may even be when you get to heaven. I told him that I would continue on this path. He did not argue with me or question it anymore. He just shook his head. I think Ryan and I will be okay. The bigger and better things will come one day. Yep.....the best is yet to come!
Peace!
The past few months have been rough. It started when I found a lump in my breast, which turned out not to be cancer, thank God. But, through all the testing, I had to be tested for a couple more cancers, and some other things. When that was all said and done, I got a clean bill of health for those things, and got sick with a virus. I came back to work and a couple of weeks later, I lost my job! I know, right? Then my unemployment got messed up, leaving me to milk a final paycheck as long as I could. Finally, beaten down and feeling broken and unfixable, I reached out for prayers from family and friends. I am always that one asking for others, but not usually for myself. I had not gotten any hits from the resumes I had sent out, and poor Ryan was starting to become depressed. He generally feeds off my energy. I had been praying and asking for a little help just seemed right. The following afternoon while with Ryan at his eye doctor's appointment I got a call from one of the recruiters. I got a job interview the next morning. That evening I got another call from a firm I had sent my resume to, and they schedule me for an interview tomorrow. Then I interviewed with another recruiter after the Friday interview, and he is working on getting me an interview with another firm. So before I could get out of Tampa, I received another call. This from another firm, and now I have an interview on Tuesday! Talk about prayers being answered! I feel so blessed. I know now that the Lord will not let me down. This turn has also made Ryan perk up a little bit. I am believing too that the Lord will provide the gas to get to these interviews. Either way......I feel it in my soul that I will have a job befor this next week is over!!
Having written that little book, it brings me back to this Joel Osteen sermon I watched this morning. He was talking about showing kindness. Showing kindness even when you're sick, don't have money, or anything like that. To ask God how you be a blessing to someone. So I immediately thought about a conversation my Ryan and I had one time. I had a headache and had not been feeling well. A family member asked for help with something. I downed some headache medicine, put on my happy face and went to help. Ryan had asked me why I always do that. He was abrupt and not happy that I was going to help. I told him that it's important to help others. I said, I don't have money to help people, but if there is something else I can do to help others I will. I told him that acts of kindness is important. That maybe one day the Lord would bless me. I said, I don't expect anything in return. I told him that Granny and Papa had always helped people, and other family members had. I don't really think Ryan was getting my point. So this afternoon I tried to explain the sermon I had watched, and all about the kindness. That if you show kindness it will come back to you in a good way. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will one day. It may even be when you get to heaven. I told him that I would continue on this path. He did not argue with me or question it anymore. He just shook his head. I think Ryan and I will be okay. The bigger and better things will come one day. Yep.....the best is yet to come!
Peace!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Cha-Cha-Changes.........Nope!
I've always said Ryan is an old soul in a young person's body. With the exception of "Red Robin" and a couple of other places, Ryan likes to eat at places that are usally frequented by the older crowd when we go out. He will find a store that is a chain, and only want to go to ones that he is familiar with. It's all routine. He calls a certain Walmart in our area, "our Walmart." He calls a certain Ihop in our area, "our Ihop" and so on. It is kind of funny. We are Old Navy fans. A few years ago, Old Navy changed their layout of the store. Yes, "our Old Navy" store.
We went shopping there one day after the change, and Ryan kind of freaked out over the layout change. Ryan would usually go look at his department and come back with a shirt or something that he liked. Well this time he disappeared. I got nervous. I was running around looking for him, only to find him standing at the front of the store. He was standing in one place, just kind of looking out at everybody. I asked him what was wrong. His response was, they made changes and I don't like them. We have to leave! I said, no, we are not going to leave. So he said he would stay right there until I was finished shopping. He did this over the course of about three more visits there. Now he is fine a few years later. I call this his "rain man phase." Yes, I name things with him. It's just when he makes his mind up......there is no room for changes. Sometimes I will catch him in a rare mood, and I am able to slide in something different. It's hard to RSVP for something or make long-term plans. They usually change......well almost always change. No two days are the same.
Peace!
We went shopping there one day after the change, and Ryan kind of freaked out over the layout change. Ryan would usually go look at his department and come back with a shirt or something that he liked. Well this time he disappeared. I got nervous. I was running around looking for him, only to find him standing at the front of the store. He was standing in one place, just kind of looking out at everybody. I asked him what was wrong. His response was, they made changes and I don't like them. We have to leave! I said, no, we are not going to leave. So he said he would stay right there until I was finished shopping. He did this over the course of about three more visits there. Now he is fine a few years later. I call this his "rain man phase." Yes, I name things with him. It's just when he makes his mind up......there is no room for changes. Sometimes I will catch him in a rare mood, and I am able to slide in something different. It's hard to RSVP for something or make long-term plans. They usually change......well almost always change. No two days are the same.
Peace!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Let's do that again, NOT!
I follow this page on Facebook, and they post wall pictures and stories....it's great! So I log onto Facebook, and see this wall picture that says, "Autism, it's never the same day twice, but don't dare change the routine." I'm not sure who the author is of that quote, whether it is the person who has this page or somewhere else. Right now I will give credit to an unknow author. The picture had a child a young child asleep on the bed with toys and shoes neatly in a curved row. This stood out to me, and I had to laugh!
Remember Ryan's "walking" shoes that I mentioned in a post earlier this week? Well, Ryan has several pair of shoes. He has never been hard on shoes, and all of them still look new. The "walking" shoes being one of the pairs. About three years ago, Ryan went through this phase where he had to have every pair of his shoes out in the living room. I would put them under an end table, and by the time I got home from work he would have them lined up neatly in a line, extending out from the front door and out into the living room. After this went on for several days of back and forth, I gave up. I decided that this was one battle that I did not want to fight at that time.
During this time I was dating a man that Ryan adored. He came over one night to go to dinner with us, and when he walked in he saw the line of shoes. He was always careful not to say things that might upset Ryan. So later when we were alone, he asked me what was up with the shoes. I explained what Ryan had been doing with the shoes, and I finally just gave up. He proceeded to tell me that his youngest son who was living with him at the time would pile his shoes at the door, and after asking him one time to clean them up and he didn't, he told him they were being thrown way. That fixed the problem. He also said that he understood it would not be that easy with Ryan. So I decided to pick this battle up again.
I started with putting them under the end table again. When I came home, I would find those shoes spread out again in the neat little line. So I decided to tell Ryan that I would throw the shoes away if he didn't stop. I explained that the living room was the first thing you see when you walk into the house, and people had to step over his shoes. He argued that in my bedroom I had shoes in a line. Of course I would leave out a couple pair of flip flops and my gym shoes, but you could still walk around my room with no problem. So there was some method to his madness. I told him he was welcome to line his shoes up in his room, and he flatly refused. So out of the blue one day I gathered his shoes up, and put them out in the garage. I guess he thought I had thrown them away, but I didn't. The funny thing was he never asked about those shoes. He spotted the "walking" shoes not too long ago. He referenced those shoes. I told him they were still practically brand new, and asked if we could give them away. I got the firm "NO!" He will not wear them, but he doesn't want anyone else to either. We still have those shoes! lol
So seeing that wall picture on Facebook took me back! It doesn't matter with Autism or Asperger's, what the child's age is, we as parents or caretakers of our special children see the similarities of behavioral patterns. It just fascinates me..... Their whole psyche! To spend just a couple of hours inside their head. Just to see how their mind works. It's a puzzle, a mystery.....something we may never understand. As one of my brothers said to me yesterday, "you have your hands full." Yes I do, but Ryan continually amazes me. I love laughing with him when he is in that mood. I love being silly with him. I love being Ryan's mom!!
Peace!
Remember Ryan's "walking" shoes that I mentioned in a post earlier this week? Well, Ryan has several pair of shoes. He has never been hard on shoes, and all of them still look new. The "walking" shoes being one of the pairs. About three years ago, Ryan went through this phase where he had to have every pair of his shoes out in the living room. I would put them under an end table, and by the time I got home from work he would have them lined up neatly in a line, extending out from the front door and out into the living room. After this went on for several days of back and forth, I gave up. I decided that this was one battle that I did not want to fight at that time.
During this time I was dating a man that Ryan adored. He came over one night to go to dinner with us, and when he walked in he saw the line of shoes. He was always careful not to say things that might upset Ryan. So later when we were alone, he asked me what was up with the shoes. I explained what Ryan had been doing with the shoes, and I finally just gave up. He proceeded to tell me that his youngest son who was living with him at the time would pile his shoes at the door, and after asking him one time to clean them up and he didn't, he told him they were being thrown way. That fixed the problem. He also said that he understood it would not be that easy with Ryan. So I decided to pick this battle up again.
I started with putting them under the end table again. When I came home, I would find those shoes spread out again in the neat little line. So I decided to tell Ryan that I would throw the shoes away if he didn't stop. I explained that the living room was the first thing you see when you walk into the house, and people had to step over his shoes. He argued that in my bedroom I had shoes in a line. Of course I would leave out a couple pair of flip flops and my gym shoes, but you could still walk around my room with no problem. So there was some method to his madness. I told him he was welcome to line his shoes up in his room, and he flatly refused. So out of the blue one day I gathered his shoes up, and put them out in the garage. I guess he thought I had thrown them away, but I didn't. The funny thing was he never asked about those shoes. He spotted the "walking" shoes not too long ago. He referenced those shoes. I told him they were still practically brand new, and asked if we could give them away. I got the firm "NO!" He will not wear them, but he doesn't want anyone else to either. We still have those shoes! lol
So seeing that wall picture on Facebook took me back! It doesn't matter with Autism or Asperger's, what the child's age is, we as parents or caretakers of our special children see the similarities of behavioral patterns. It just fascinates me..... Their whole psyche! To spend just a couple of hours inside their head. Just to see how their mind works. It's a puzzle, a mystery.....something we may never understand. As one of my brothers said to me yesterday, "you have your hands full." Yes I do, but Ryan continually amazes me. I love laughing with him when he is in that mood. I love being silly with him. I love being Ryan's mom!!
Peace!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
When I say I literally do most everything right by myself....I am not kidding. I wake up and I have Ryan right there. And, since I lost my job almost a month ago, I am literally with him 24/7. I ask him ever so often if he would like to go spend a week or two with his dad in Georgia, or maybe a long weekend. I always get the same response..... I'll think about it. Nothing yet. It's hard. I love him so much, but I would like to just have to worry about me for a few days. It's much easier when I have a job. Most folks want to go home for a break from their job....me.....I'll stay at my job, just for a break from home.
I just get these guilt feeling when I leave Ryan at home. I guess that is normal for us Aspie moms. I know when I am working, I get out of the house. However, Ryan doesn't get out unless I take him out. I am still working on programs for him, but he is not having any of it. I went for a walk down to my brother's house the other afternoon. Him and his wife invited me to stay for dinner and asked me to have Ryan walk down to eat with us too. Well wouldn't you know........Ryan says no. I brought him home food, but still...... I feel guilty if I don't include Ryan, but feel guilty when he doesn't want to participate and I do. I have to find that balance again.
Ryan has an eye doctor's appointment today. I'm sure I will have a story to tell about that. ;-)
Peace!
I just get these guilt feeling when I leave Ryan at home. I guess that is normal for us Aspie moms. I know when I am working, I get out of the house. However, Ryan doesn't get out unless I take him out. I am still working on programs for him, but he is not having any of it. I went for a walk down to my brother's house the other afternoon. Him and his wife invited me to stay for dinner and asked me to have Ryan walk down to eat with us too. Well wouldn't you know........Ryan says no. I brought him home food, but still...... I feel guilty if I don't include Ryan, but feel guilty when he doesn't want to participate and I do. I have to find that balance again.
Ryan has an eye doctor's appointment today. I'm sure I will have a story to tell about that. ;-)
Peace!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
I can't do that again anytime soon
Let's just say that trying to pull an all nighter with my kind is not a good thing...... I slept this morning until 9:30 a.m. and I am now ready for a nap! Ay ya ya!! Ryan is back at his game, and our little dog Lucky is freaking out playing with his toys. I am going to take a nap, and hope that when I wake up.......everything is good! I will be back! ;-)
Peace!
Peace!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Pulling an all nighter with my boy......
Yes, it's after midnight and I am pulling an all nighter with my boy. Ryan told me earlier in the day that he was going to have to pull an all nighter due to his computer game that he plays. It's Easter season, and on this game they apparently Easter Egg Hunt. There are coins in the eggs, and he is on a roll. Yes, a part of this Asperger's at its finest. He is very fixated on completing this task on this game. I honestly don't think I will hold up. I am very tired. He has taken breaks with me to be a little goofy with me. He has sang some songs with me and we have just been silly..... The laughter is good for the soul. He is now giving me a lesson on sea turtles while playing his game. He is very knowlegeable in things he is passionate about. I love it, because he's my go to boy when I have a question about something. He seems to love the sea life though. Well......I am slowly drifting. So I will hit this again later.
Peace!
Peace!
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