Accept and move it forward

Knowing Ryan was different did not make things easy.  I did try to fix him, and I did long for him to be like other children.  I would be lying if I said I was not ready to accept that things would always be different.  It wasn't until approximately 5 years ago when Ryan had his first breakdown that I was shaken into the real world so to speak.  On the heels of our very dear aunt's passing, I was dealing with the loss in my own way, and Ryan as always internalized everything.  He would not cry or show emotion.  He chose to stay with his dad in Georgia for a couple weeks after the funeral.  He told his dad that he had been taking his meds for his bi-polar disorder, but in reality he had not been taking his meds.  When I picked Ryan up, it was clear that he was going through withdrawal and within 24-hours he had an emotional breakdown that required hospitalization.  As heartbreaking as it was, it was a definite eye opener.  It was at this time that I stopped thinking about what others might think, and focused on what Ryan's needs.  When he was released from the hospital, we would have long talks.  I would listen to him.  It gave me a better insight into his world.  Those conversations were different.  They are not like a conversation I might have with a friend or family member.  I have to do a lot of reading between the lines.  I knew during this time that I had to accept Ryan as he was.  As soon as I accepted him, he could accept himself.  I am not saying that it is always easy, because it's not.  However, this is our life.  We accept it and move it forward.  Most people don't realize that a little bit of acceptance goes a long way, and it really does!

Peace!