Monday, May 13, 2013

Have I said lately??

For me, one thing I have had to deal with over the years with Ryan is his attachment to things.  To this day he has toys that he has had from when he was literally a toddler.  So him parting with things does not come easily, if ever.  So you can imagine my surprise when he sold some of his old video games this past weekend so that he could take me to lunch for Mother's Day.  I was very surprised and it touched me more than any words could say.  On top of that, he painted me a picture!  It's a leaf.  I asked him what made him paint me a leaf.  He said he had been wanting to paint a leaf, and thought that was a good picture to paint me.  I had been offered a position back with my old firm, and thought maybe there was something symbolic in the leaf, as in turning over a new leaf and starting over.  I asked him about that and she said he had not thought of that, but it makes sense.  So we decided the painting of the leaf is about new beginning....starting over.  Have I said lately that I love my boy?  Because, I do.  I don't look at this past weekend as him showering me with things.  This is progress in our world, and I am smiling folks!  Life is good!


Sunday, May 12, 2013

I am Ryan's Mom

I remember going to school functions when Ryan was little and the other children calling me "Ryan's Mom."  This continued through high school.....  I remember when I dropped him off at his high school to go on his senior grad bash trip to Universal Studios.  Being a nervous and protective mom, I had gone over the whole drug and alcohol talk multiple times with him.  So when I dropped him off he asked me to wait just a minute.  He came over to my car with quite the motley crue of young people.  There were a colorful mix of kids with tattoos, dreads, etc.  They all greeted me with, hey Ryan's Mom!  One little girl said, Ryan's Mom, you don't have to worry about us using drugs or alcohol....  We can have fun without all of that stuff (and they did).  It was at this moment that I fully realized that since giving birth to my amazing son, my identity was no longer mine.  I was and will forever remain, "Ryan's Mom."

Mother's Day to me is just another day.....  I am Ryan's mom everyday.  I may or may not get a card or gift.  I may or may not be taken out for a special meal.  But, I know that everyday I have this unique being in my life that I am blessed far beyond my expectations.  He is my inspiration...he is my teacher....he is my purpose in life. 

On this day......  Mother's Day......  The day designated to honor mothers, I pay tribute to my Ryan......  Because without him I would not be a mother.  Because of him, I am "Ryan's Mom."

Happy Mother's Day!!


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Passing stones!

Ryan had another kidney stone on the move.......Ugh.....  We ended up in the ER on Monday for most of the day, and then the evening was spent with Ryan conitnually vomiting.  At one point I found myself on my hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom because he totally missed the toilet.  I never thought I would do well as a nurse or anything like that, but motherhood proves you can do a lot of things you thought you couldn't do!

So this week has been one of turmoil.....  Ryan FINALLY passed that kidney stone this afternoon.  Thank God!  He knew exactly when it passed, told me he passed it, and wasn't able to catch it.  I am just glad that one is gone.  Per the doctor in the ER, he still has multiple stones in both kidneys.  Yayyy........we were kind of hoping with all he had passed this past year, that maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have that many if any left.  Oh well...

I am hoping that things will calm down in this house where I can put two thoughts together to write.  I love sharing our stories.  It helps me and I am hoping it helps others.


Saturday, April 27, 2013

When truth and innocence hits you like a ton of bricks!

When going through ups and downs Ryan's tries to take some sort of responsibility for what has happened.  He will apologize profusely for anything.  I honestly do not think he fully understands the whole "apology" concept.  Yesterday when we were driving to the beach after his CT scan and my job interview, Ryan apologized for all we were going through.  I immediately told him that where we are right now is where God wants us to be.  He then said, mom, if you did not have me, your life would be easier.  My heart went to my stomach!  I knew I had to pick and choose my words carefully, or it could very well backfire on me.

The first thing I said is Ryan, you've grounded me......  He apologized again.  I said, no....  By that I mean, you have given me a sense of purpose in life.  You have made me want to be a better person, a good mom.  He wouldn't look up, but nodded his head yes.  I said, when God gave me you, he knew exactly what he was doing.  I said you are my purpose in life, and I am a better person because of you.  I reached over and patted his clasped hands.  I asked him if he understood what I was saying.  He lifted his head and looked over at me and shook his head yes again.  He then lifted my hand and kissed it gently.  Moments like this remind me of no matter how bad things get, it's still going to be okay.  At times I have to be reminded of just how innocent he is.  I love this child with all I am......

Life is so short.  We do not know what the next minute holds for us.  Embrace life, love with all you have, and cherish every moment.  Like Ryan and are right where God intended for you to be.  Accept it and move forward.


Friday, April 26, 2013

Keeping things in check....

I try to keep things as light as possible when it comes to Ryan's doctor's appointments.  If I don't, he feeds off of my energy, and that can spell disaster.  With that said.....  Ryan had his kidney CT scan this morning.  When had called to schedule the scan, the snotty little girl in the scheduling office told me there were only two kinds of CT scans on the kidneys.  One required the IV, and the other required the patient to drink stuff before coming in for the test.  Well, Ryan's Urologist had told us he just wanted a basic CT scan of Ryan's kidneys since Ryan was not having pain, and did not believe that there was blockage anywhere.  Needless to say, this little girl.......and I say that because she didn't sound like she was a day over 18.....and I went back and forth until I finally gave in and said, okay - whatever!

Fast forward to two days ago.  I got a call about an interview.  It was close to home and the only time they had available was an hour and a half after Ryan's test was to begin.  I called the radiology place to see if I could find out how long Ryan would be in testing.  I was told a total of one hour.  This including coming and being checked in early.  So this morning we go in EARLY.......get his paperwork completed, and sit there for a 1/2 hour.  Finally, I asked them when Ryan would be taken in for his test because we had other appointments.  The lady said, I'm not sure.  Naturally I went into panic mode, and then I told Ryan that he may have to sit there for a few minutes if I had to leave and come back.  He said okay and hung his head.  These kind of things break my heart.  They finally came out and got him, and I texted my brother thinking if I had to leave that maybe he could run over and pick Ryan up.  Well before he could answer, Ryan was out.  It was a matter of about 10 minutes being back there and he was out again.  He said, they didn't have to do the IV so it didn't take as long.  He said when the techician asked him about it, he told her that the doctor said he didn't need the IV because he wasn't in the middle of passing a kidney stone.  She then called the doctor's office and they confirmed what Ryan told them, and I had told the little girl scheduling.

In a matter of the time of that appointment our whole day was upset.....Ugh......  There are times when I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't when it comes to explaining things to Ryan.  Because he doesn't process things the way most people do.  Now we are winding down.  He helped me make dinner and he his watching some animal show on tv....they are his favorites; animals and sea life.  We weathered this storm, and all seems good now.  I was proud of him going in there and letting the technician know what the doctor said. :-)


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

And you think your life has quirks ;-)

Remember the "walking" shoes I referenced in a couple of past blogs?  Well, that is just one of many quirks Ryan has.

Years ago my baby brother came by to mow our yard.  He brought with him a big pink plastic cup with iced tea in it.  He forgot the cup when he left and I washed it and had it ready to give to him when he came back over, or we went over to his house.  I called to let my sister inlaw that I had the cup, and she said it was no big deal.  Shortly thereafter, Ryan adopted this big pink plastic cup.  And, for years now he has used that same cup!  I wash it over and over again.  The cup understandably became Ryan's cup.  One day my sister inlaw called and said that Walmart had those kinds of cups in red, white and blue on clearance.  She said that since Ryan liked them so much, we would have backups.  Well wouldn't you know, Ryan would not hear of it.  He only wants the pink cup.

He also has this thing for using bowls and spoons when he eats.  If we are out at a restaurant, he is fine.  But if we go to my parent's house when they are here in FL, he wants to use a bowl if possible.  I have noticed recently though, he is using forks more.  That is progress.....

Then a couple weeks ago Ryan and I were going through some of his old clothes that he had outgrown or just didn't wear.  When we moved to the closet and pulled out t-shirts, I couldn't believe how many new looking shirts were there.  A couple even had tags still on them.  So I started pulling them out and asking if he would wear this or that.  He would respond with yes or no.  One t-shirt I pulled out was really nice.  He said, NO.  I asked him why he wouldn't wear it and he said, it has a pocket on it.  Needless to say, all of the pocket t's went into the bag to give to my nephew.

The experiences with Ryan are very quirky, but full of good will......  Lots of grrrr'ing and lots of laughter.  An experience everyone should have once in their lifetime.  As for is our life. ;-)


Monday, April 22, 2013

Music to my soul

Only my child......  Ryan, as I've mentioned before, is an old soul in a young person's body.  He loves all genres of music from different time periods.  He loves the Beatles, the Carpenters, Cher, everybody......  He can tell you who sings a song and if he isn't sure, he will Google it in a heartbeat.  I am finding though, that songs where there is any reference of crying or cheating he will make fun of.

I started noticing this when Ryan started joking about Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl."  He was like, dude........go find you another woman.  That's Jessie's girl.....  Today it was Van Halen's "Jamie's Cryin."  LOL!!  We were coming back from the beach and that song came on the radio.  I was in bumper to bumper traffic when I hear in a high pitch voice, "Jamie's cryin', give that girl a tissue!"  It startled me, and I burst out laughing!  Then he says in that same high pitch voice, "Jamie girl, stop your cryin', there's more fish in the sea!"  At this point I was laughing so hard and trying to drive in traffic. 

It's moments like that when I realize that God put this miracle into my life...... Life is not easy, but this child lights up my world.  I love being his mom!