When going through ups and downs Ryan's tries to take some sort of responsibility for what has happened. He will apologize profusely for anything. I honestly do not think he fully understands the whole "apology" concept. Yesterday when we were driving to the beach after his CT scan and my job interview, Ryan apologized for all we were going through. I immediately told him that where we are right now is where God wants us to be. He then said, mom, if you did not have me, your life would be easier. My heart went to my stomach! I knew I had to pick and choose my words carefully, or it could very well backfire on me.
The first thing I said is Ryan, you've grounded me...... He apologized again. I said, no.... By that I mean, you have given me a sense of purpose in life. You have made me want to be a better person, a good mom. He wouldn't look up, but nodded his head yes. I said, when God gave me you, he knew exactly what he was doing. I said you are my purpose in life, and I am a better person because of you. I reached over and patted his clasped hands. I asked him if he understood what I was saying. He lifted his head and looked over at me and shook his head yes again. He then lifted my hand and kissed it gently. Moments like this remind me of no matter how bad things get, it's still going to be okay. At times I have to be reminded of just how innocent he is. I love this child with all I am......
Life is so short. We do not know what the next minute holds for us. Embrace life, love with all you have, and cherish every moment. Like Ryan and I.....you are right where God intended for you to be. Accept it and move forward.